Friday, August 26, 2011

Great Mixers for your bourbon

Leave it to Uncle Johnny to show you the way of the mixer.  All that you've read about mixers for bourbon, just throw it out of your mind.  Any hardcopies, burn 'em.  Any computer softcopies, print them out and then burn 'em and that should get rid of them.

I told you this is a one-stop shopping blog for all things bourbon.  So use these mixer recipes only.

Included below are classic bourbon drinks, with my own spin, as well as my own concoctions.  Enjoy, because they are all AWESOME!

Mint Julep
4oz of your favorite Bottles in Bond
4 ice cubes
5 mint leaves muddled with 1tsp of dark brown sugar
1tsp of red curry
1/2tsp of yellow curry
1 shot of Guinness

Directions:  Throw it in a glass and drink it

Mexican Lollipop
3oz of your favorite wheatered bourbon
1 packet of Fire from Taco Bell
10 Ghost Chilis
1 five leave clover (if you can't acquire this, use swiss chard of okra)

Directions:  Throw it in a glass and drink it

Spanish Fly
5oz of your favorite Rie Bourbon of 7 years of age only
1/4oz Poontang juice (if you cannot acquire this, then use unfresh cod or the tail of a beaver)
1 cucumber blenderized
1 cumquat
5 anchovies

Directions:  Take all ingredients and throw in a Magnum condemn, shake and transfer it to a rock glass with 2 1/2 pieces of crushed ice

Kraut Hammer
10oz of your favorite 107 proof bourbon
1 whole bag of Boare's Head Sour Kraut
1 Russett potato blenderized (juicer is even better)
1 cup of Kosher Salt
1oz Deviled ham
1/4 of a devil dog
The zest of 1 lemon
1 strand of hair from a dead Third Reich Nazi (if you cannot acquire this, an easy equivalent would be 1oz of fresh dog shit

Directions:  Mix and serve straight up in a martini glass

Bourbon and Coke
4oz of your favorite 70 proof bourbon (I usually go with George P. Stagg)
100 Coca leaves muddled in a glass with ice
5oz of Seltzer water
1 drop of immitation, sugar-free honey

Directions:  Mix and pour in your favorite leaded GlenKaren glass

Try all of these and I guarantee you will be satisfied.  Please feel free to leave comments as to how awesome these recipes are.  And, if you didn't like them (very unlikely), please do tell why (though, you probably screwed it up by not following my recipes to a tea).

Good luck and have fun!



  1. Now that's funny!

  2. Damn it John - Ah got ta laughin so hard I spit my drink on the keyboand. Can you fix me up with the Coca leaves?